i know it sounds stupid, but sometimes i just can't stop thinking that the most awful shit always happens to me. it's not that i wanna complain about it just that... it's bad for my mmmm... image (laughing). i mean, these kind of things shouldn't happen to ME! it's like in that old vama veche song 'aicea nu e de mine!... eu sunt un delicat.' this is not me playin' the 'motherfuckin' princess', it's me being much too open about private shit... arrh, the point of writing this is to emphasize the power of oblivion. there's people who say 'i forgive, but i don't forget'. well, for me it's the other way round. i forget but i don't fukin' forgive! might sound contradictory, but it's not. i couldn't survive without forgetting. and the good thing is that i always forget the bad happenings. and i don't even do it on purpose. it's instinct. survival instinct.keeps my mind sane.what would be the point of keeping in mind all that junk?
i said i don't forgive. and i don't. though, at the same time, i can't hate. it's just beyond my powers to hate. and i've bloody good reasons to hate a lot of people who behaved like bastards towards me with no reason whatsoever, people who should've been there for me BUT WEREN'T; people who did a lot of nasty shit to me. but i just can't hate. all i can do is despise them, hold them in everlasting contempt. and they could never get out of this state once they got there. from a buddhist point of this is a better way of managing things: no harmful charge of my karma =))
rrr,yeah. Tragic with a capital t. But i'm moving on. always moving on.