Monday, December 18, 2006

za cup

it's all about the doodle thingy. take not notice of the rest:P this is one of the sweetest things we drew.

Saturday, December 16, 2006


detest colajele. niciodata nu exista armonie in colaje, si parca au ceva artificial. dar e ciudat petru ca in acelasi timp sunt fascinata de ideea de a creea o piesa de teatru care sa fie, intr-un fel, un colaj.fiecare replica sa fie un vers, o fraza, o parte din altceva; dar o parte, o farama care sa contina esentialul. visez sa scriu o piesa care sa fie compusa numai din esente. fiecare replica sa fie graitoare, naucitoare, concentrata, memorabila.pentru ca sunt cuvinte care, desi putine ca numar, starnesc in tine, in mintea ta un vartej de alte cuvinte, iar in inima un vartej de sentimente.
ma gandesc la ideea asta a mea uneori. se intampla sa aud, sa citesc anumite fraze si sa-mi zic 'wow, asta e geniala, ar merge sa o pun in piesa aceea...' cum ar fi:"You broke another mirror, you're turning into something you are not" sau "When you're one of the few to land on your feet What do you do to make ends meet? Teach. Make them mad, make them sad, make them add two and two. Make them me, make them you, make them do what you want them to. Make them laugh, make them cry, make them lie down and die. " stiu, ultima nu e deloc scurta. defapt sunt versurile din one of the few... dar sunt atat de expresive si de elocvente! (ma rog, toate cantecele celor de la pink floyd se transpun in mintea mea, intr-un fel sau altul, in... erm, short-films...)
poate ca e o ideea proasta, tampita...
ceea ce e cel mai aiurea e ca si eu sunt structurata dupa modelul unui colaj, sunt ca un puzzel in care forma pieselor se potriveste dar imaginea de ansamblu pe care o obtii la sfarsit e lipsita de coerenta si de sens.hainele parca sunt aruncate pe mine iar cand nu sunt negre ma jeneaza, gandurile si ele parca vin si pleaca fara sa tina cont de nimic si fara nicio legatura unele cu altele; iar sentimentele sunt parca setate pe hidden, aparand prin surpridere la semnale pe care nu le cunosc.
nu fac parte din nicio categorie. nu inteleg cum unii se pot gandi sa-mi puna o eticheta sau o alta. se grabesc. nu ma cunosc. nici eu nu ma cunosc.

Friday, December 15, 2006


it's the holidays again. and i'm asking you what's so holy about them anyway? is there anything? enlighten me. there's not even that good-old snow my childhood holds. it's just the lights. the light bulbs spred all across the city and in people's houses. the lights that glow but do not shine. the fake lights which bring no light.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006


I Am Tired

I am tired, that is clear,
Because, at certain stage, people have to be tired.
Of what I am tired, I don't know:
It would not serve me at all to know
Since the tiredness stays just the same.
The wound hurts as it hurts
And not in function of the cause that produced it.
Yes, I am tired,
And ever so slightly smiling
At the tiredness being only this -
In the body a wish for sleep,
In the soul a desire for not thinking
And, to crown all, a luminous transparency
Of the retrospective understanding ...
And the one luxury of not now having hopes?
I am intelligent: that's all.
I have seen much and understood much of what I have seen.
And there is a certain pleasure even in tiredness this brings us,
That in the end the head does still serve for something.

this waz published under the heteronym Ricardo Reis

Monday, December 11, 2006


twisted, silent, uncertain, purple, lost, grim, cynical, ironic, not funny in a funny way, weird, common, 17, alien, girl, ghost, creep, nice, intense, insensitive, black, green, dumb, dreamer, bad, quitter, sincere, rule-breaker, blind, dancer, unhappy, childish, bored, boring, reader, listener, obstinate, wrong, willing, fair, awful, philosophical, mad, romantic, dead, blurred, wild forest-like, anarchist, quarkish, angry, nature-lover, born to lose, artistic, astronaut ... or something

Sunday, December 10, 2006

the film

the eternal sunshine of the spotless, that is what i call a NICE movie! those who have seen the film know more about 'nice'. lovely film, and a really terrible concept, but well ... it did kind of had a happy-end. the metaphor involving the colour of kate winslet's hair was really great. and the hair was pretty cool too, as a matter of fact, the hair waz bloody-cool!


FERNANDO PESSOA. it's not like i've read many of his poems but since i've read this one (2 years ago) he is my favorite poet and it is my favorite poem ever.


in the terrible night,natural substance of every night,
in the night of insomnia, natural substance of all my nights.
i remember,awake in tossing drowsiness,
i remember what i've done and what i could have done in life.
i remember, and an anguish
spreads all through me like a physical chill or a fear,
the irreparable of my past - this is the real corpse.
all the other corpses may very well be illusion.
all the dead may be alive somewhere else,
all my own past moments may be existing somewhere
in the illusion of space and time,in the falsity elapsing.
but what i was not,what i did not do, what i did not even dream;
what only now i see i ought to have done,
what only now i clearly see i ought to have been -
this is what is dead beyond all the gods,
this - and it was, after all, the best of me - is what not even the gods
bring to life...

if at a certain point
i had turned to left instead of the right;
if at a certain moment
i had said yes instead of no or no instead of yes;
in a certain conversation
i had hit on the phrases which only now, in this half - sleep,
i elaborate

if all this had been so,
i would be different today, and perhaps the whole universe
would be insensibly brought to be different as well.

but i did turn in the direction which is irreparably lost,
not turn or even think of turning, and only now i perceive it,
but i did not say no or say yes, and only now see what i didn't say;
but the phrases i failed to say surge up in me at present, all of them,
clear, inevitable, natural,
the conversation gathered in conclusively,
the whole matter resolved ...
but only now what never was, nor indeed shall be, hurts.

what i have missed definitely holds no sort of hope
in any sort of metaphysical system.
maybe i could bring back what i have dreamed to some other world,
but could i bring to another world the things i forgot to dream?
these, yes, the dreams going begging, are the real corpse.
i bury it in my heart for ever, for all time, for all universes,

in this night when i cannot sleep and peace encircles me
like a truth which i've no share in,
and the moonlight outside, like a hope
i do not have,is invisible
to me

words are meaningless

comunicarea. nu e unul dintre punctele mele forte. n-a fost niciodata. dar in ultima vreme, in ultimele luni, cuvintele chiar par sa ma fi parasit . uneori, cand am ceva de spus, ceva de transmis, ceva care chiar conteaza pentru mine si ar putea conta si pentru altcineva ,cuvintele sunt acolo si sunt cuvintele potrivite .ele se vor impartasite si se zbat in mine sa devina sunete dar eu sunt muta, muta ca un peste. deseori asta se intampla pentru ca stiu ca n u as fi intelesa, stiu ca e inutil,irelevant; stiu ca reactiile ar fi negative. iar eu, eu m-am saturat de reactii negative! alte ori, e drept, parca zic prea multe - prea multe prostii - dar niciodata nu zic suficient. sunt muta ca un peste.

versurile cantecului urmator motiveaza oarecum incapacitatea mea de comunicare,erm it has nothing to do with my lack of modesty...

This is a film about a man and a fish
This is a film about dramatic relationship between man and fish
The man stands between life and death
The man thinks
The horse thinks
The sheep thinks
The cow thinks
The dog thinks
The fish doesn't think
The fish is mute, expressionless
The fish doesn't think because the fish knows everything
The fish knows everything

[This is a film. Goran Bregovic]

Saturday, December 09, 2006

when the weather outside is irrelevant

firstly,i love fog.but this has nothing to do with what I'm 'bout to write,except for the fact that lately,including last night it waz freakin foggy.
so, as i was saying in za previous post, last night i went to a birthday waz nice...or something... but then came za concert, as in ZA CONCERT!!! this dudes,OLD NEWS,they are a really great blues band! deci, man, what can i say, words are speechless (don't ask, it's for no reason),they cannot describe how great it was to be there and to listen to those dudes! the vocal really impressed me with his powerful voice which literally filled the room once they've started playing. at some point,me and my fiend got up for a little dancing (sort of 'cause there wasn't any room) as others did waz a really nice atmosphere in which music and smoke floated together and the people were feelin' gooood! as for Tudor ( aka lead guitarist) he is za tata la ei - englishly speaking that means he is za godfather of zem all - and he rocks,blueses and metalses (with Tiarra).

Friday, December 08, 2006


deci,merci mosule! pana la urma ai facut-o si p'asta:D
o sa fiu acolo la concertul venusianului impreuna cu fiendul.rah! si inainte de asta o mica oprire la petrecerea Aurorei (once again 'la multi ani!') which means... more drink... si nu in ultimul rand sic,sic,Andreea,tu nu poti sa bei(k iei antibiotice) dar EU pot! muhahaha! this is gotta be fun! rahhh!


de obicei cand citesc in autobuz,toti cei din jurul meu ma privesc fioros,de parca i-as jigni prin ceea ce fac.aseara eram in 226; in mod surprinzator 226le era destul de liber si am prins un loc pe scaun.cum aveam mult de mers am zis sa-mi scot cartea si sa citesc.undeva in fata mea era un tip cam de 30 de ani,imbracat in negru si cu o barba tipul asta se uita fioros la mine.i-am zis un go fuck yourself in gand,lui si celorlalti si am inceput sa scurt timp, tipul se ridica brusc de pe scaun si vine in dreptul meu.dupa ce citesc inca vreo jumatate de pagina, el ma intreaba cine a scris cartea (titlul se pare ca il vazuse deja) si de la ce editura e. i-am raspuns 'lee smolin, editura humanitas',iar el si-a notat constiincios.i-as fi zis ca daca il intereseaza cu adevarat cuantica,nu-i recomand cartea lui smolin,ca e mai mult literatura (sort of)decat stiinta dar vorbea ciudat de ... brusc si se comporta la fel si am renuntat.oricum,ideea e ca in autobuz se intampla si lucruri interesante si nu in ultimul rand,pentru prima data in ultimul timp,m-am simtit mandra de e chiar lucru de nimic sa impartasesti cunoasterea cuantica cu un necunoscut din autobuz,nu?:)

ps:nu am terminat inca de citit 'spatiu,timp,univers' de lee smolin,dar daca sunteti interesati cu adevarat de cuantica nu va sfatuiesc sa cititi aceasta carte.mi se pare una din acele carti de popularizare a stiintei care pierd ultimul reper si raman doar carti de popularizare.

Monday, December 04, 2006

pentru Mos Nicolaie

draga Mos Nicolaie,

eu sunt Anca. Ma stii tu; tu ne stii pe toti, cred. n-o incep prin a-ti spune ce copil (ne-)cuminte am fost eu. n-ar avea rost. vreau doar sa-ti spun ca nu e deloc distractiv, cu toate ca ar trebui... uite,o sa-ti dau ca exemplu ultimele zile:

joi-bal:me waz kicked off si apoi am ratacit prin oras cu o mana de prieteni si am aterizat intr-un Fire plin de pedofili si de copii idioti unde nici de bautura nu aveam chef

vineri-nu stiu cum am pierdut si ziua aia,cred ca intentionam sa invat ceva,dar pana la urma...

sambata-plecat in excursie,mancat in autocar,inghetat de frig,ras pe alocuri,dracii din cauza de haus,urcat pe munte,incercari nereusite de regasire si cantat,somn-nesomn and bla-bla

duminica-frig,depresie,autocar,oameni apatici,oameni idioti si in general plicitiseala

luni-nimic.just time wasting and boredome.cel mai marfa lucru pe ziua de azi a fost episodul 501 din southpark.special guest:radiohead.


vezi nu e prea distractiv... asa ca te rog,fa magie,fa cum faceai cand eram mica si imi aduceai cadouri dragute sub perna... vreau doar sa merg la concertul de vineri impreuna cu fiendul de baza sa-l ascultam pe venusian.asta stiu sigur ca m-ar inveseli. so please make it happen and i promise i'll behave from now on.

i trust your powerful magic,moshule,so don't disappoint me,not tu quoque mi santa nicholaus!

oh,and bring snow as soon as possible!

Friday, December 01, 2006

those kids are so easy to kill.they just love to die.

this line sounds brilliant to is funny and tragic at the same can fit such different context.

pe frontul de aici nimic nou

'oamenii vorbesc prea griji, teluri, nazuinte; eu insa nu le pot concepe ca dansi. [...] ei inteleg, fireste; ma aproba, sant de acord,dar numai cu vorba - numai cu vorba din pacate! - simt justetea celor spuse de mine, insa numai pe jumatate; restul fiintei lor e in alta parte, sant imprastiati; niciunul nu simte un lucru cu toate fibrele inimii; de altfel nici eu nu pot exprima foarte bine ceea ce gandesc.
cand ii vad asa, in odaile lor, in birourile lor, in profesiunile lor, simt o atractie irezistibila catre toate astea, doresc sa fiu si eu in mijlocul lor si sa uit razboiul; dar imediat ma dezgusta,e o lume prea stramta; cum poate ea umple viata cuiva?'

'noi insa am fost luati de puhoi si nu vedem cum se va sfarsi. deocamdata tot ce stim este ca ne-am salbaticit in chip neobijnuit si intristator,desi nici macar tristi nu mai stim sa fim uneori.'

aceste doua pasaje sunt din 'Pe frontul de vest nimic nou'.o carte despre Primul Razboi Mondial scrisa de E.M. Remarque. le-am scris aici pentru ca ma regasesc in ele. si e straniu sa te regasesti in relfectiile unui soldat alienat din 1917.e pur si simplu aiurea.