Monday, December 18, 2006

za cup

it's all about the doodle thingy. take not notice of the rest:P this is one of the sweetest things we drew.

Saturday, December 16, 2006


detest colajele. niciodata nu exista armonie in colaje, si parca au ceva artificial. dar e ciudat petru ca in acelasi timp sunt fascinata de ideea de a creea o piesa de teatru care sa fie, intr-un fel, un colaj.fiecare replica sa fie un vers, o fraza, o parte din altceva; dar o parte, o farama care sa contina esentialul. visez sa scriu o piesa care sa fie compusa numai din esente. fiecare replica sa fie graitoare, naucitoare, concentrata, memorabila.pentru ca sunt cuvinte care, desi putine ca numar, starnesc in tine, in mintea ta un vartej de alte cuvinte, iar in inima un vartej de sentimente.
ma gandesc la ideea asta a mea uneori. se intampla sa aud, sa citesc anumite fraze si sa-mi zic 'wow, asta e geniala, ar merge sa o pun in piesa aceea...' cum ar fi:"You broke another mirror, you're turning into something you are not" sau "When you're one of the few to land on your feet What do you do to make ends meet? Teach. Make them mad, make them sad, make them add two and two. Make them me, make them you, make them do what you want them to. Make them laugh, make them cry, make them lie down and die. " stiu, ultima nu e deloc scurta. defapt sunt versurile din one of the few... dar sunt atat de expresive si de elocvente! (ma rog, toate cantecele celor de la pink floyd se transpun in mintea mea, intr-un fel sau altul, in... erm, short-films...)
poate ca e o ideea proasta, tampita...
ceea ce e cel mai aiurea e ca si eu sunt structurata dupa modelul unui colaj, sunt ca un puzzel in care forma pieselor se potriveste dar imaginea de ansamblu pe care o obtii la sfarsit e lipsita de coerenta si de sens.hainele parca sunt aruncate pe mine iar cand nu sunt negre ma jeneaza, gandurile si ele parca vin si pleaca fara sa tina cont de nimic si fara nicio legatura unele cu altele; iar sentimentele sunt parca setate pe hidden, aparand prin surpridere la semnale pe care nu le cunosc.
nu fac parte din nicio categorie. nu inteleg cum unii se pot gandi sa-mi puna o eticheta sau o alta. se grabesc. nu ma cunosc. nici eu nu ma cunosc.

Friday, December 15, 2006


it's the holidays again. and i'm asking you what's so holy about them anyway? is there anything? enlighten me. there's not even that good-old snow my childhood holds. it's just the lights. the light bulbs spred all across the city and in people's houses. the lights that glow but do not shine. the fake lights which bring no light.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006


I Am Tired

I am tired, that is clear,
Because, at certain stage, people have to be tired.
Of what I am tired, I don't know:
It would not serve me at all to know
Since the tiredness stays just the same.
The wound hurts as it hurts
And not in function of the cause that produced it.
Yes, I am tired,
And ever so slightly smiling
At the tiredness being only this -
In the body a wish for sleep,
In the soul a desire for not thinking
And, to crown all, a luminous transparency
Of the retrospective understanding ...
And the one luxury of not now having hopes?
I am intelligent: that's all.
I have seen much and understood much of what I have seen.
And there is a certain pleasure even in tiredness this brings us,
That in the end the head does still serve for something.

this waz published under the heteronym Ricardo Reis

Monday, December 11, 2006


twisted, silent, uncertain, purple, lost, grim, cynical, ironic, not funny in a funny way, weird, common, 17, alien, girl, ghost, creep, nice, intense, insensitive, black, green, dumb, dreamer, bad, quitter, sincere, rule-breaker, blind, dancer, unhappy, childish, bored, boring, reader, listener, obstinate, wrong, willing, fair, awful, philosophical, mad, romantic, dead, blurred, wild forest-like, anarchist, quarkish, angry, nature-lover, born to lose, artistic, astronaut ... or something

Sunday, December 10, 2006

the film

the eternal sunshine of the spotless, that is what i call a NICE movie! those who have seen the film know more about 'nice'. lovely film, and a really terrible concept, but well ... it did kind of had a happy-end. the metaphor involving the colour of kate winslet's hair was really great. and the hair was pretty cool too, as a matter of fact, the hair waz bloody-cool!


FERNANDO PESSOA. it's not like i've read many of his poems but since i've read this one (2 years ago) he is my favorite poet and it is my favorite poem ever.


in the terrible night,natural substance of every night,
in the night of insomnia, natural substance of all my nights.
i remember,awake in tossing drowsiness,
i remember what i've done and what i could have done in life.
i remember, and an anguish
spreads all through me like a physical chill or a fear,
the irreparable of my past - this is the real corpse.
all the other corpses may very well be illusion.
all the dead may be alive somewhere else,
all my own past moments may be existing somewhere
in the illusion of space and time,in the falsity elapsing.
but what i was not,what i did not do, what i did not even dream;
what only now i see i ought to have done,
what only now i clearly see i ought to have been -
this is what is dead beyond all the gods,
this - and it was, after all, the best of me - is what not even the gods
bring to life...

if at a certain point
i had turned to left instead of the right;
if at a certain moment
i had said yes instead of no or no instead of yes;
in a certain conversation
i had hit on the phrases which only now, in this half - sleep,
i elaborate

if all this had been so,
i would be different today, and perhaps the whole universe
would be insensibly brought to be different as well.

but i did turn in the direction which is irreparably lost,
not turn or even think of turning, and only now i perceive it,
but i did not say no or say yes, and only now see what i didn't say;
but the phrases i failed to say surge up in me at present, all of them,
clear, inevitable, natural,
the conversation gathered in conclusively,
the whole matter resolved ...
but only now what never was, nor indeed shall be, hurts.

what i have missed definitely holds no sort of hope
in any sort of metaphysical system.
maybe i could bring back what i have dreamed to some other world,
but could i bring to another world the things i forgot to dream?
these, yes, the dreams going begging, are the real corpse.
i bury it in my heart for ever, for all time, for all universes,

in this night when i cannot sleep and peace encircles me
like a truth which i've no share in,
and the moonlight outside, like a hope
i do not have,is invisible
to me

words are meaningless

comunicarea. nu e unul dintre punctele mele forte. n-a fost niciodata. dar in ultima vreme, in ultimele luni, cuvintele chiar par sa ma fi parasit . uneori, cand am ceva de spus, ceva de transmis, ceva care chiar conteaza pentru mine si ar putea conta si pentru altcineva ,cuvintele sunt acolo si sunt cuvintele potrivite .ele se vor impartasite si se zbat in mine sa devina sunete dar eu sunt muta, muta ca un peste. deseori asta se intampla pentru ca stiu ca n u as fi intelesa, stiu ca e inutil,irelevant; stiu ca reactiile ar fi negative. iar eu, eu m-am saturat de reactii negative! alte ori, e drept, parca zic prea multe - prea multe prostii - dar niciodata nu zic suficient. sunt muta ca un peste.

versurile cantecului urmator motiveaza oarecum incapacitatea mea de comunicare,erm it has nothing to do with my lack of modesty...

This is a film about a man and a fish
This is a film about dramatic relationship between man and fish
The man stands between life and death
The man thinks
The horse thinks
The sheep thinks
The cow thinks
The dog thinks
The fish doesn't think
The fish is mute, expressionless
The fish doesn't think because the fish knows everything
The fish knows everything

[This is a film. Goran Bregovic]

Saturday, December 09, 2006

when the weather outside is irrelevant

firstly,i love fog.but this has nothing to do with what I'm 'bout to write,except for the fact that lately,including last night it waz freakin foggy.
so, as i was saying in za previous post, last night i went to a birthday waz nice...or something... but then came za concert, as in ZA CONCERT!!! this dudes,OLD NEWS,they are a really great blues band! deci, man, what can i say, words are speechless (don't ask, it's for no reason),they cannot describe how great it was to be there and to listen to those dudes! the vocal really impressed me with his powerful voice which literally filled the room once they've started playing. at some point,me and my fiend got up for a little dancing (sort of 'cause there wasn't any room) as others did waz a really nice atmosphere in which music and smoke floated together and the people were feelin' gooood! as for Tudor ( aka lead guitarist) he is za tata la ei - englishly speaking that means he is za godfather of zem all - and he rocks,blueses and metalses (with Tiarra).

Friday, December 08, 2006


deci,merci mosule! pana la urma ai facut-o si p'asta:D
o sa fiu acolo la concertul venusianului impreuna cu fiendul.rah! si inainte de asta o mica oprire la petrecerea Aurorei (once again 'la multi ani!') which means... more drink... si nu in ultimul rand sic,sic,Andreea,tu nu poti sa bei(k iei antibiotice) dar EU pot! muhahaha! this is gotta be fun! rahhh!


de obicei cand citesc in autobuz,toti cei din jurul meu ma privesc fioros,de parca i-as jigni prin ceea ce fac.aseara eram in 226; in mod surprinzator 226le era destul de liber si am prins un loc pe scaun.cum aveam mult de mers am zis sa-mi scot cartea si sa citesc.undeva in fata mea era un tip cam de 30 de ani,imbracat in negru si cu o barba tipul asta se uita fioros la mine.i-am zis un go fuck yourself in gand,lui si celorlalti si am inceput sa scurt timp, tipul se ridica brusc de pe scaun si vine in dreptul meu.dupa ce citesc inca vreo jumatate de pagina, el ma intreaba cine a scris cartea (titlul se pare ca il vazuse deja) si de la ce editura e. i-am raspuns 'lee smolin, editura humanitas',iar el si-a notat constiincios.i-as fi zis ca daca il intereseaza cu adevarat cuantica,nu-i recomand cartea lui smolin,ca e mai mult literatura (sort of)decat stiinta dar vorbea ciudat de ... brusc si se comporta la fel si am renuntat.oricum,ideea e ca in autobuz se intampla si lucruri interesante si nu in ultimul rand,pentru prima data in ultimul timp,m-am simtit mandra de e chiar lucru de nimic sa impartasesti cunoasterea cuantica cu un necunoscut din autobuz,nu?:)

ps:nu am terminat inca de citit 'spatiu,timp,univers' de lee smolin,dar daca sunteti interesati cu adevarat de cuantica nu va sfatuiesc sa cititi aceasta carte.mi se pare una din acele carti de popularizare a stiintei care pierd ultimul reper si raman doar carti de popularizare.

Monday, December 04, 2006

pentru Mos Nicolaie

draga Mos Nicolaie,

eu sunt Anca. Ma stii tu; tu ne stii pe toti, cred. n-o incep prin a-ti spune ce copil (ne-)cuminte am fost eu. n-ar avea rost. vreau doar sa-ti spun ca nu e deloc distractiv, cu toate ca ar trebui... uite,o sa-ti dau ca exemplu ultimele zile:

joi-bal:me waz kicked off si apoi am ratacit prin oras cu o mana de prieteni si am aterizat intr-un Fire plin de pedofili si de copii idioti unde nici de bautura nu aveam chef

vineri-nu stiu cum am pierdut si ziua aia,cred ca intentionam sa invat ceva,dar pana la urma...

sambata-plecat in excursie,mancat in autocar,inghetat de frig,ras pe alocuri,dracii din cauza de haus,urcat pe munte,incercari nereusite de regasire si cantat,somn-nesomn and bla-bla

duminica-frig,depresie,autocar,oameni apatici,oameni idioti si in general plicitiseala

luni-nimic.just time wasting and boredome.cel mai marfa lucru pe ziua de azi a fost episodul 501 din southpark.special guest:radiohead.


vezi nu e prea distractiv... asa ca te rog,fa magie,fa cum faceai cand eram mica si imi aduceai cadouri dragute sub perna... vreau doar sa merg la concertul de vineri impreuna cu fiendul de baza sa-l ascultam pe venusian.asta stiu sigur ca m-ar inveseli. so please make it happen and i promise i'll behave from now on.

i trust your powerful magic,moshule,so don't disappoint me,not tu quoque mi santa nicholaus!

oh,and bring snow as soon as possible!

Friday, December 01, 2006

those kids are so easy to kill.they just love to die.

this line sounds brilliant to is funny and tragic at the same can fit such different context.

pe frontul de aici nimic nou

'oamenii vorbesc prea griji, teluri, nazuinte; eu insa nu le pot concepe ca dansi. [...] ei inteleg, fireste; ma aproba, sant de acord,dar numai cu vorba - numai cu vorba din pacate! - simt justetea celor spuse de mine, insa numai pe jumatate; restul fiintei lor e in alta parte, sant imprastiati; niciunul nu simte un lucru cu toate fibrele inimii; de altfel nici eu nu pot exprima foarte bine ceea ce gandesc.
cand ii vad asa, in odaile lor, in birourile lor, in profesiunile lor, simt o atractie irezistibila catre toate astea, doresc sa fiu si eu in mijlocul lor si sa uit razboiul; dar imediat ma dezgusta,e o lume prea stramta; cum poate ea umple viata cuiva?'

'noi insa am fost luati de puhoi si nu vedem cum se va sfarsi. deocamdata tot ce stim este ca ne-am salbaticit in chip neobijnuit si intristator,desi nici macar tristi nu mai stim sa fim uneori.'

aceste doua pasaje sunt din 'Pe frontul de vest nimic nou'.o carte despre Primul Razboi Mondial scrisa de E.M. Remarque. le-am scris aici pentru ca ma regasesc in ele. si e straniu sa te regasesti in relfectiile unui soldat alienat din 1917.e pur si simplu aiurea.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006


this is something fancy but also bloody-funny i discovered on the internet;and the colours are great!

viata lumii

incercam sa invat Miron Costin 'Viata lumii'. La urmatorul pasaj m-am oprit reflectand:
'tragismul existentei omenesti deriva din faptul ca viata este supusa unei limitari inflexibile.'aceasta limitare este Timpul m-am gandit eu (fara sa iau in cosiderare o alternativa idioata de genul 'liberul arbitru'). dar cum Timpul este (oarecum) o dimensiune a Universului, mai concret un concept care denumeste durata si in care masuram transformarile materiei, nu putem vorbi de Univers fara Timp. prin urmare, Universul insusi nu poate fi conceput fara aceasta 'limitare'. Transformarea este o lege a Universului si conditia sa de existenta. nu ne putem considera conditionati de insasi Conditia de existenta a lumii. e absurd.

daca vrei sa te opui si sa te sustragi degradarii timpului sinucide-te. asa nu o sa imbatranesti niciodata! it sounds a bit insane but... it's not. i plan to do it. afterall, that song 'only the good die young' wasn't wrote just for the sake of writing !

Tuesday, November 28, 2006


citeam despre catari deunazi. toata lumea stie ca erau considerati eretici. dar nu cred ca sunt multi cei care stiu semnificatia originala a termenului de 'eretic'. eretic de la substantivul EREZIE din grecescul 'hairesis' insemnand optiune. deci alternativa. ceea ce spune multe despre crestinismul timpuriu si despre cel al Evului Mediu, si anume ca era intolerant,neadmitand alternative. chestia asta e destul de stiuta,dar faptul ca termenul de eretic, provenit de la inofensivul hairesis, a capatat o atat de negativa conotatie chiar spune multe despre biserica crestina.

high expectations

e o chestie banala. balul bobocilor. nu stiu de ce fiendul meu si cu mine il asteptam atat de mult ... am o vaga banuiala,dar nu poate fi doar asta! anywayz, ideea e ca in mod ciudat a devenit o zi mult asteptata (ma rog noapte...) ceva similar Craciunului... faza naspa e ca de obicei chestiile mult asteptate nu se ridica la nivelul asteptarilor... and that sux for my morale.

ideea principala e ca vreau ca noaptea balului sa fie o retraire a ultimei nopti/dimineti din Vama.ehe,ce noapte,ce zi! atunci am dansat cu fiendul vreo 6 ore neincetat ca niste iele, de se uitau toti aia din Expirat la stiu daca m-am mai simtit vreodata ca atunci. atunci s-a pus si 'in zbor'(ocs) si melodia aia chiar a definit perfect starea aia de eforie de atunci. vreau sa dansez din nou ca atunci,si sa retraiesc senzatiile alea. vreau sa:

Zbor! nu mai simt nimic.
nu mai pot sa simt
aerul se sparge de mine
eu nu mai stiu nimic de mine

voi fi aproape de mine
imi place sa zbor
imi place, imi place de mine!
imi place de voi!

s-ar putea sa cer prea mult,but then again muhahahaha! vom fi o banda de teenageri pusi pe bestializare! asa ca... nu stiu:P

Sunday, November 26, 2006

we're just quarks

A man said to the universe:
'Sir,I exist!'

'However,' replied the universe,
'The fact has not created in me
A sense of obligation.' Stephen Crane

Saturday, November 25, 2006

under something 2

drunk as fuck that's for shore... i went to da underfest 2. it must've been cool but i'm not able to bet cuz i wasn't conscient;me waz wasted!!!!! me only rememberz puking.great.greater. me sux.why drink when i just kill my self whith every single sip?! answer:' bunny faced-boy waz there.ignoring like he alwayz doz.'but i don't blame him... like there waz anything to iz too drunk.i promise meself and me fiend not do drink unirea again and not to get drunk like zis again.
once again, fiend me deeply apologiezez cuz me lame.but me never gonna be good.cum ziceau za ramones: 'now i wanna be a good boy'...respectiv a good girl...or something.
i really like sayin''or something' cuz that's not saying something precise,it's just saying something without being decisive. that's because i don't want to make affirmations.i wouldn't liek to get wrong:P

zis waz a draft and i didn change a thing before posting,pe onoarea mea de pirat!zis waz written under za influence

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

i was i kid who loved reading tales and escaping into imaginary worlds.and i still do.that is probably the reason why i enjoyed Harry Potter so much...
the deal is that there is a story that still fascinates me, although i don't think about it anymore. it's a really interesting,distinct story,as a matter of fact it's quite a weird one. but what really intrigues me is that i don't even know if i read this or... created it!
anyhow, here's what i can recall from the story,maybe there's someone out there who heard of it.
in a very powerful and grand kingdom there live a great and nice king with his wife, the queen. like in all the rest of the stories,they were all happy but something was missing.they couldn't have a child to whom to pass on the reign.
i don't remember how, but finally the queen had a baby boy.of course the prince wasn't like the rest because he was blue blooded...but there was more than just that-he didn't had a face.he didn't had a face of his own.yeah,i know it's freakish.the deal is that he was cursed or something.and he was to take the facial expression of those he either loved or hated.he took the face of those towards he had strong was weird for the royal parents and for the ones at the palace and they had to be careful with the baby prince.
later on ,when he grew up, the people who knew him got used with seeing the prince sharing their faces like the face of his fencing teacher or the one of the queen or even the maid's face...
one day,when he was out hunting,the prince found a rabbit.he caught the animal and somehow he really liked the fluffy thing and his face changed into a bunny-like -one! his ears grew and got covered in white fur and same thing happened to his face. his eyes were the rabbit's eyes,his mouth and his teeth were the ones typical for a rabbit. i don't know by which circumstances, but the prince gets killed that day. and he dies with a bunny face...
and that's pretty much all i can remember.this is not quite the ending because i forgot the exact one.i'm not sure if it was the happy-typical one or a more tragical one, but nevermind.i might write it if anyone's interested...
this was the story of The Bunny-Faced Prince who was once without a face of his own but got one after he died,a bunny one.
My pirate name is:
Iron Anne Flint
A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you a tough person. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!
Get your own pirate name from
part of the network

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

de profundis

cu totii ne punem intrebari retorice. intrebari existentiale, intrebari idioate si autoironice dar ce poate fi mai sublim decat sa fii intrebat ' Vrei sa ai probleme?' mi se pare pur si simplu genial. atat de genial incat in acel moment mi-au venit in minte cam o mie de raspunsuri pentru intrebarea asta. primul a fost:
'probleme?!cine nu are nevoie de ele! ele dau farmec vietii,nu?!' au urmat printre altele:
'categoric,eu am foarte putine probleme so bring some more to meh!'
'normal ca vreau sa am probleme,cine ar refuza asa ceva'
'bine.recunosc:am probleme. dar nu ma pot abtine...sunt dependenta.imi plac problemele...gata,am zis-o si p-asta'
'depinde de probleme;in general ma descurc cu problemele de chimie si cu cele de logica dar daca e vorba de o parte a fizicii care nu e cuantica sau de matematica, aaa nu mersi.'
'am probleme'
'nu mersi, am destule.daca vrei iti dau si tie.'
'am deja si tu esti una dintre ele.una dintre cele mai mari'
'eu nu le vreau dar problemele ma vor pe mine, so what can i do?!'
'mi-e indiferent' si asta e raspunsul definitiv.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

de ce se intampla toate astea? de ce eu? raspunsul: de ce nu? poate ca intr-alt univers,intr-unul paralel i'm the luckyest most happiest person, dar nu in asta.
Hush now baby, baby, don't you cry.Mother's gonna make all your nightmares come true.

Friday, November 17, 2006

povestiri din wonderland
o zi ca oricare alta. o intamplare ca oricare alta m-a facut sa tremur de revoltare si dezgust.eram in tramvaiul 32 cu niste colegi,veneam de la liceu.tramvaiul ala infect e intotdeauna plin,noi insa am avut o strategie si am reusit sa prindem 4 scaune.imediat ce m-am asezat langa mine s-a postat o tiganca.tipul acela infect.era destul de in varsta.mirosea.dar nu asta-i problema.problema e ca a deschis gura.a facut asta pentru a-mi solicita scaunul.ha! se intreba de ce stau eu pe scaun si nu ea.afirma c eu nu am niciun drept sa stau pe scaun.poate i-as fi lasat locul daca nu ar fi fost asta;si daca nu as fi stiut ce fel de vierme am vrut sa cedez,sa dau inapoi in fata unei astfel de creaturi.a fost o chestie de principiu.a continuat sa voi reproduce nimic din ceea ce cuvanta creatura,ar fi sub demnitatea mea si nici nu am retinut;era hardcore oricum.atunci i-am spus ca daca imi arata biletul si abonamentul ii cedez gandeam ca poate astfel se va fost mai rau.dar n-am cedat.tremuram de furie si imi doream sa-i sparg fata,sa-i inchid gura poate ca as fi facut-o...dar eram in 32...oamenii din jur aveau priviri tematoare,nici macar nu se uitau atunci tiganca a inceput sa ma ameninte cu bataia.daca as fi coborat cu doua statii dupa -adica la piata rahova- ar fi fost grav.cel putin asta spunea tiganca care se lauda ca a tarat o 'panarama'(nu stiu daca acesta este termenul folosit de domnia sa)ca mine de la un capat la altul al 32ului,pentru ca nu i-a cedat o cred pe cuvant,pe toate cuvintele infecte pe care le-a spus .
e nimeni nu a facut nimic si daca ar fi fost sa ma loveasca nu ar fi facut nimic.probabil nici colegii mei.asta pentru ca toti se conduc dupa deviza: 'nu te pune cu ei' respectiv 'lasa de la tine'.si asta e ingrozitor.unde o sa ajungeti fratilor?!tot timpul acceptati toate rahaturile,sunteti niste lasi si niste pasivi.daca acceptati rahatul asta nu poate sa insemne decat ca il si meritati.enjoy,rromania. nu sunt rasista si nici nu fac discriminari.sunt prea inteligenta pentru asta.consider ca fiecare om in parte este produsul sau in masura in care acesta incearca asta.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

uneori ma gandesc la moarte.
ma gandesc la moartea mea de fiecare data cand folosesc liftul.urasc lifturile si mai ales pe cel din blocul meu.atunci cand sunt in lift tot timpul imi imaginez cum acesta o sa se prabusesca si eu o sa ma faca bucati;sange si creier peste tot,asta mai e o chestie,cu care m-am obijnuit demult si care acum ma amuza,in fiecare zi,dar absolut in fiecare zi,cel putin o masina este pe punctul de a ma calca...asta inseamna sa traiesti periculos...
ma gandesc la moartea celor la care tin.asta se intampla dintrodata,pur si simplu imi apare in minte gandul,teama ca cineva anume a e sinistru.e sinistru pentru ca nu imi place ce descopar.demult am ajuns la concluzia ca nu as vrea sa fiu acolo cand ar muri.stiu ca e oribil sa mori singur,dar pur si simplu prefer sa evit sa fiu acolo pentru ca moartea e atat de definitiva si urata.moartea e ultimul semn de punctuatie.
ma intrebam cum o sa fie dupa ce o sa moara unul dintre cei la care tin si raspunsul pe care mi l-am dat de fiecare data a fost 'la fel.o sa fie la fel.' e cat se poate de crud.dar oare nu asa e totul?! 'a murit X.tineam foarte mult la el.dar viata merge mai merg mai departe' parca nimic nu s-ar fi intamplat.intr-o carte un personaj spunea ca atunci cand cineva moare si-l sterge din parca nici nu ar fi fost.asta ii asteapta si pe cei care vor muri si la care tin acum cand sunt in viata.uitarea.asta ma asteapta si pe pe tine.

the world ends when you every single moment a world ends.and that's not even sad,that's just ordinary.that's how things are.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Romanticism is dead (and buried).Eu ma duc sa ma sinucid,BRB.

materie. eu sunt materie. si cam atat. ma gandeam...'daca totul e materie, oare gandurile si nazuintele noastre spirituale nu sunt tot materie?!' si atunci care ar mai fi rostul incercarilor de a ne elibera spiritul de materie daca si acesta e tot materie? this was something random.dar chiar cred ca asa stau lucrurile.nimic nu poate fi conceput fara materie. din punct de vedere cuantic.
(I feel like) Donnie Darko

have you had that feeling
that you've been this down before?
did you get the feeling
that you always wanted more?
did you start to feel
that you said this words before?
memory's misleading;
can't you trust yourself anymore
and i feel like donnie darko
just what is the meaning
of the things that i see?
and am i leaning
towards the illusion of inequity
can i trust my instincts
and i feel like donnie darko

Saturday, November 11, 2006

kiss not

the taste of a kiss
taste like smoke plus alcohol
like ash
but its better than the kiss on the cheek
that 'friendly' kiss
meaningless kiss
oh,friend,oh,friend,are we that dead?
we kiss because we are polite
and polite sux.
kiss,love, empathy.
haha,this is gonna be the dumbest post i made.i'm just writing right now.just came back from da club where i waz like just sitting,drinking - and not only - with my mates.oh,i'm a bit wasted right now,but less than usually.i'm not depressed although right now i listen to something that sounds like 'The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had'.yeah,i love that song.and i just sit here doing nothing,listening to radiohead.jack was cool today...i even had some hour or something...and it was nice to wake up with more mates around.and,oh,tomorrow it's gonna be such a full always is.Sunday,bloody Sunday.but this is what i like:doing stuff,whatever it is,i hate vegetating!i hate being at 'home'.how that word means nothing to me!nothing good.bleah.boring.but as a conclusion it waz a really nice day.sure i can accept that we're going nowhere,but one last time lets go there! this would be like a motto.i think that mostly that's how my friends and i behave.they'd probably disagree,but i think this is how things are.and i like them like's better this way.donno,but wasting is sometimes better than worrying.wasting liberates whilst worrying only puts more lead on your shoulders,so,lets just waste.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Death to Birth (Pagoda)

From ripe
To rotten
Too real
To live
Should I lie down
Or stand up
And walk around again
My eyes finally wide open up
My eyes finally wide open shut
To find the found(fount) of sound
That hears the touch of my tears
Smells the taste of all we waste
Could feed the others
But we smother each other with the necter
And pucker the sour
A bittersweet weather
It blows through our trees
Swims through our seas
Fly's through the last gasp we left
On this earth
Ohh Ohh Ohhhhh
It's a long lonely journey
From death to birth
It's a long long lonely journey
From death to...
It's a long lonely journey
From death to birth
Oh, It's a long lonely journey
From death to birth
Should I die again
Should I die around
The pounds of matter
wheeling through space
I know I'll never know
Until I come face to face
With my own
With my own
With my own
With my own cold dead face
With my own wooden case
Pucker the sour
Sugar sweet weather
Blows through our trees
Swims through our seas
Fly's through the last gasp we left
On this earth
It's a long lonely journey
from death to birth
It's a long lonely journeyf
rom death to birth
What should I die again
Should I tell you when
The pounds of matter
wheeling through space
I know I'll never know
Unitl I come face to face
It's a long lonely journey
from death to birth
It's a long lonely journey
from death to birth.


am mai vazut filme cu Michael Pitt si mi-a placut cum joaca tipul. si am vazut si last days,film in care el il interpreteaza pe Kurt timp ce incercam sa nu adorm ma intrebam daca cei care au facut filmul nu s-au plictisit si ei in timpul din filmul ala nu am inteles nimic.l-am considerat o porcarie. singurul aspect pe care l-am apreciat a fost cel mi-am facut o parere proasta si despre Pitt pentru ca citisem pe undeva ca ii plac Nirvana, ca Kurt Cobain e idolul lui si ca are o trupa in care canta grunge.and i was like,yeah right!this is just hollywood shit! credeam ca e o chestie de publicitate si ca tipul e un logic,asta m-a enervat.acum,ma gandesc sa revad filmul.motive?unul singur:PAGODA.trupa in care canta Michael Pitt.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

on s'amuse

ma amuza anumite chestii care, poate, nu ar trebui sa ma amuze.pentru ca sunt triste.sunt faze gen film tragic (as in al dreaq de tragic !) care, la un moment dat - atunci cand s-au adunat prea multe chestii - devin amuzante. chestiile astea ma amuza pentru ca reusesc sa ma detasez,reusesc sa nu mai fiu ceea ce mi se intampla;dar detasarea asta nu dureaza.astazi am reusit sa ma amuz datorita faptului ca am audiat un curs despre filozofia buddhista. atunci cand te gandesti la precaritatea conditiei umane si la cat de iluzoriu e totul grijile si problemele ti se par,evident,amuzante. pentru ca sunt atat de chiar distructive.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

uneori viata iti lasa un gust amar.alteori nu-ti lasa nici un gust.asta se intampla cand pur si simplu esti viu,dar nu asta mi se intampla mie in ultima vreme.cel mai naspa e cand incep sa ma autoanalizez si desi incerc sa ma opresc nu reusesc. acum chiar prefer sa trec peste lucrurile de genul asta ca si cum nu ar fi. pentru ca pur si simplu vreau sa treaca de la sine fara ca eu sa trebuiasca sa fac ceva. nu vreau sa fac nimic acum.mi-ar placea ca lujcrurile sa se intample de la sine.dar asta nu se intampla niciodata...
ego nr4 - mai mult decat oricand!
Cat de mult te urasti cand pierzi
Nu poti sa visezi
Ce ciudat este sa nu simti nimic
Vreau sa ma ridic
Ce ciudat e sa nu mai zic
Vreau sa mor un pic
Alerg si alerg si incerc sa scap
Alerg si alerg si totul se intampla
Doar in cap - chiar asa,doar in cap parca se mai intampla cate ceva,dar pana si acolo parca totul e liniar si mereu la fel. cred ca ceea ce ma deprima este fie neputinta mea de a percepe frumosul,fie lipsa acestuia. lumea de afara e atat de urata,atat de dezagreabila,e numai metal,ciment si plastic,foarte mult plastic si totul e fals.
vreau sa mor un pic,vreau sa mor un pic.

Friday, November 03, 2006

yet another movie

i just saw 'American Beauty'. it's just what i needed- a twisted bitter-sweet film. 'American Beauty' is, of course, a movie about Beauty.the whole thing is describing what the character played by Kevin Spacey sees while dying,not his whole life, just the late happenings and those random beautiful things we love about the ones we of the things he then remembers is his grandmother's paper resembling skin. the whole film is fascinating,the characters,the lines,the actors,the red blood hue which appears throughout the film (like an offence to the dull reality or like an illomen).
this are Lester's last toughts:
'it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life...You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure... but don't worry...You will someday.'

vorbeste vinul...

cui ii pasa?nou nu. luati,cititi,idiotenii in stil avangardist. adica faze dispersate.
spargeai si apa,varsai si paharul, ar fi fost chiar tragic...while headbanging and pogo-ing on.
paine,salam,ciocolata si ...viiiiiiiiiiiiiin! Tudor nu se insela,era chiar Murfatlar roshu demidulce. si a fost la locul si momentul potrivit.apropo,de muzici,parafraza la o melodie Nirvana :'pustoaico,can you feel my love buzz?' si bestialzare,bestializare! tavalire pe covor,lovit de pereti,lovit intre noi,ras nemotivat.ras eliberator.
-'bah,cica pe mine ma asteapta cultura,uite aici istoria religiilor si les dossiers de la science' (despre particulele elementare,deci si depre quarci)
- 'oh,nu, cdul meu cu cuntica!' ras,si doua cduri pe covor.
-'vin is everywhere'
-'tu ce inaltime ai?'
-'m-am cantarit si am 1,70.'
ne cerem scuze ca ne cerem scuze.
si mai erau niste chestii de scris da' nu le mai tin minte...hmmm,poate si le aduce aminte fiend.sunt destul de memorabile...spre deosebire de altceva.ceva ce nu stiu si deci nu pot tine minte si deci nu pot spune nimanui.anyway,chiar daca as o memorie proasta...nici nu stiu ce nu ar trebui sa stiu. dar poate ca altcineva ar trebui sa stie tocmai pentru ca nu se stie niciodata si mai ales pentru ca nu exista motive,adica avem noi nevoie de motive?!totul este atat de uneori mult prea ne-motivant.
cu toate acestea trebuie sa amintesc aceste doua versuri a caror frumusete frusta ma impresioneaza sau asa...
So many secrets I couldn't keep
One more promise I couldn't keep
but,i don't remember any secret at all so... nothing to worry folks...

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

protestam,protestam! vrem cultura,nu vrem dictatura!

mi s-au intamplat cateva lucruri surprinzatoare,unele chiar stranii dar nu m-au surprins. nu pot reactiona.nimic nu ma surprinde. uneori e straniu sa ii vezi pe ceilalti mirandu-se,sa vezi uimirea pe fata lor si sa nu intelegi ce-i asa uimitor? astazi m-a impresionat o chestie. asculta fratele meu Bitza. versurile parca m-au traznit :
'Nici tu nu te cunosti
Candva vei fi surprins de tine'
de acum nu voi mai face misto de Red cand asculta Bitza.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

i need to focus

smokes.smokes are bad. in a way - i hate them. yesterday i smoked more than in my whole life. (nu stiu de ce scriu in engleza...hmmm,cat snobism pe mine...) et je suis desolee. acum scriu la misto.scris de dragul scriusului.therapy writhing - rright!...ziceam ca am fumat foarte mult, cu toate ca eu sunt impotriva fumatului. fumam pentru ca nu aveam ce face si nu ma puteam gandi la nimic.defapt, nu vroiam sa ma gandesc. fumand ma concentram asupra a ceva: asupra tigarii,asupra fumatului ca un cocalar (Andreea dixit si tot restul lumii e de acord cu ea).Oh,well...acum promit sa nu mai fumez cel putin o luna. nu ar trebui sa fie prea greu.pentru mine nimic nu e prea greu. rrright...
if you were an alien visiting earth what would you see?

The breath of the morning I keep forgetting. The smell of the warm summer air.I live in a town where you can't smell a thing, you watch your feet for cracks in the pavement. Up above aliens hovermaking home moviesfor the folks back home,of all these weird creatures who lock up their spirits, drill holes in themselves and live for their secrets. They're all uptight, uptight,uptight, uptight, uptight, uptight.I wish that they'd sweep down in a country lane,late at night when I'm driving. Take me on board their beautiful ship, show me the world as I'd love to see it.I'd tell all my friends but they'd never believe me,They'd think that I'd finally lost it completely. I'd show them the stars and the meaning of life. They'd shut me away.But I'd be alright, alright,I'd be alright,I'm alright.I'm just uptight, uptight,uptight, uptight,uptight, uptight,uptight, uptight,uptight. Subterranean Homesick Alien.RADIOHEAD

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Nepoezie/Lirica de autobuz de vara

Cainii zac morti pe ciment;
Prietenii tai cei mai buni sunt morti la soare
Pe asfaltul incins cadavrele lor odihnesc.
Stau frumos:
Cu cele patru picioare intinse
Morti de lumina, de caldura
De rotile soferilor grabiti,
De rotile soferilor urati.
Morti in masinile soferilor de autobuz.

this is just another old poem...or nonpoem...
My Chemical Romance - I'm Not Ok

everybody knows why. because i'm okey.NOT!

Monday, October 23, 2006

quark u !

quarcii sunt cele mai mici particule elementare. ei sunt cum erau odata Fiendsi, adica sunt legati si nu pot fi dezlipiti. forta care ii tine atat de uniti este cea mai puternica dintre cele 4 forte ale naturii. quarcii sunt magici; de aceea au si denumiri de genul : beauty, charm, truth. in functie de combinatia de quarci se obtin diverse alte particule gen: neutron, proton - adica hadroni. Quarcii sunt colorati. dar culorile lor sunt nu pot fi vazute. sunt metafizice. cele trei culori ale quarcilor sunt: rosu, galben si verde. acestea nu trebuie sa se repete. adica tot timpul trebuie sa existe trei quarci de culori diferite. anyway,mi-e prea somn acum ca sa mai continui cu povestea quarcilor.ideea e ca sunt simpatici foc si ca ar putea foarte bine sa reprezinte alte universuri.intr-o astfel de realitate (poate chiar in aceasta) nu ati putea reusi sa aflati cate universuri cuprindeti de fapt in voi.
si acum spusele unuia care a fost si mai elocvent si mai chinez decat mine:
"Intr-un graunte de praf se afla universuri fara nume si toate aceste universuri sunt adunate in varful unui fir de par."Tao-Shin this was stolen from my mate's blog

Friday, October 20, 2006

sometimes wasting time gives you a good feeling about life. like when you go and drink with your friends in a stinkin' place but you hardly take notice of it because you're too busy talking with them and laughing and drinking and it's nice to do that you're not outside where it's windy and cold. and ain't it cool to go to a philosophy class after?

Wednesday, October 18, 2006


what do you do when there's nothing left to do?when there's nothing left to do for you....? you feel stupid and watch the other people being normal. they're not like you: they don't wear a freakish look, they are not dispeling while trying to socialize. then you try to do what they do but somehow it never works for you. you always end up feeling more stupid and then you put on the grim look again and think about how messed up you are. at least that's what i do.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

long and uncut dream

daca as putea alege ce sa fac in viata as alege totul. imaginea ar fi haioasa,stranie,un amestec eterogen si incert...
avem un cantaret rock intr-o formatie care in ciuda faimei,a aprecierii mondiale si a drogurilor, este unita in numele muzicii bestiale si al prieteniei care ii uneste pe membrii formatiei. eu as fi ceva gen tobosar\chitarist. asea!deci rock singer si totodata cuantician acreditat, cu contributii importante in Fizica(aflat in asteptarea premiului Nobel pt fizica, membru al Agentiei Spatiale Europene si cu o misiune in spatiu la activ).-ah,ce viziuni apetisante! bineinteles ca asta nu e tot! geez! Nu's mediocara. The cuantician drummer is also a specialist in South American history and a known archeologist,obviously! and there's more...

Wednesday, October 11, 2006


nu stiam daca anul asta o sa mai am vreo tangenta cu teatrul... de vreme ce precedentul a fost cam dezamagitor; dar iata ca am terminat scenariul pe care il scrisesem intr-o noapte tarzie acum 4 luni - doua nopti,separate de 4 luni... cine a zis ca eu ma grabesc....? important e ca acum l-am scris intr-o forma cat de cat definitiva si ca cei care l-au citit il gasesc cel putin interesant(prietenii mei sunt chiar entuziasmati). sunt foarte nerabdatoare sa vad proiectul asta realizat. cred ca am ceva de aratat. si trebuie sa recunosc ca sper ca macar cativa dintre cei care vor vedea piesa sa-si schimbe intr-un fel atitudinea. nu cred ca sunt prea indrazneata daca spun asta... in fond,mai ales in zilele noastre, arta formeaza atitudini.
cat vreau sa-i vad pe actorii mei pe scena si pe mine tipandu-le indicatiile regizorale!

Thursday, October 05, 2006


daca esti tanar,sa zicem foarte tanar,sa zicem liceean si sa zicem ca te intorci de la scoala si ,sa zicem in continuare (vorbim la modul ipotetic,bineinteles), te simti rau - sa admitem chiar ca te simti al naibii de rau -si sa zicem ca ai tupeul sa stai jos in autobus.ce se intampla intr-o astfel de situatie? apoi,dragii mosului,stiu ca e de necrezut ,dar esti asaltat,de oameni grasi,operati, esti nesimtit ca sunt ei nesimti

daca esti tanar,sa zicem foarte tanar,sa zicem liceean si sa zicem ca citesti (in picioare,nu stai jos,ca nu ai indrazni)in troleu pentru ca sa zicem ai un drum lung si nu vrei sa-ti pierzi timpul observand ca esti inconjurat de terminati si oameni care put,apoi draga sa fii pregatit sa infrunti priviri revoltate si sa auzi lucruri de genul 'o vezi,draga,p'asta ?! mai are putin si-mi scoate ochii cu cartea!'

daca sa zicem esti rocker,sau sa zicem ateu,(de ce nu?!),sa zicem ca esti cititor de carti care au un mesaj de transmis,sau iti plac filmele inteligente,sau poate ca esti filozov,sau pur si simplu nu esti idiot acum ai un nou motiv sa te simti ingradit, noul proiect privind legea cultelor:
'Parlamentul este pe cale sa voteze o lege care va limita grav doua drepturi fundamentale: libertatea de exprimare si libertatea de constiinta. Astfel, anumite concerte rock, filme, carti sau piese de teatru vor putea fi interzise sau cenzurate in Romania.In proiectul de lege al cultelor, aflat acum in dezbatere la Camera Deputatilor, a fost introdus un amendament la propunerea Cultului Musulman din Romania, insusit de Guvern, de Comisia juridica si de Comisia drepturilor omului. In urmatoarele doua luni, acest amendament urmeaza sa fie votat si in plenul Camerei. Amendamentul respectiv prevede ca "in Romania sunt interzise orice forme, mijloace, acte sau actiuni de defaimare si invrajbire religioasa, precum si ofensa publica adusa simbolurilor religioase".

PS daca sa zicem ca traiesti intr-un stat laic si care garanteaza si libertatea de gandire si exprimare,al treilea paragraf nu ar trebui sa ingrijoreze pe nimeni. pentru ca esti intr-un stat LAIC. as in LAIC! o astfel de masura aberanta nici nu s-ar pune in discutie iar poate fi decat un vis idiot sau o gluma proasta.